Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Friday, September 25, 2015
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Monday, September 21, 2015
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Work notes
(11:00 PM) robert e.: morning :D
(11:02 PM) lisa n.: almost huh
(11:02 PM) lisa n.: sorry but you got me for the night
(11:03 PM) robert e.: sounds good
(11:03 PM) robert e.: how you feelin'?
(11:03 PM) robert e.: this is one heck of a double you're pulling
(11:03 PM) lisa n.: I am great
(11:03 PM) lisa n.: How are you
(11:03 PM) robert e.: I'm not well at all
(11:03 PM) lisa n.: almost a triple
(11:04 PM) robert e.: almost indeed
(11:04 PM) lisa n.: what is wrong
(11:04 PM) robert e.: was broken up with mid shift last night
(11:04 PM) lisa n.: what
(11:04 PM) lisa n.: that is so rude
(11:04 PM) lisa n.: did you patch it up yet
(11:04 PM) robert e.: negatory
(11:05 PM) lisa n.: why did she call you at work
(11:05 PM) lisa n.: that is not nice
(11:06 PM) robert e.: she didn't call
(11:06 PM) robert e.: we were texting
(11:06 PM) robert e.: and it was a very pleasant day too
(11:06 PM) robert e.: then out of nowhere, she gets moody ....
(11:06 PM) robert e.: well, we're a long distance relationship
(11:06 PM) robert e.: she lives in another state
(11:07 PM) robert e.: I'm in the middle of making arrangements to move over to her next year
(11:07 PM) robert e.: a few months ago, she flew in and surprised me with a visit
(11:07 PM) robert e.: and from there, we've been trying this
(11:07 PM) robert e.: so she gets moody, or something, and starts accusing me of things that just aren't right
(11:07 PM) lisa n.: Is it Idaho?
(11:07 PM) robert e.: yeah
(11:08 PM) lisa n.: really
(11:08 PM) robert e.: she's got a lot of school and stuff
(11:08 PM) robert e.: so I don't go out of my way to tell her about my problems and fears and struggles
(11:08 PM) robert e.: cuz there's nothing she really can do about it and it will just make her day more stressful, not remove stress from me
(11:08 PM) lisa n.: wow
(11:09 PM) robert e.: but she gets all angry and accuses me of not having any fears
(11:09 PM) lisa n.: didn't think of it that way
(11:09 PM) robert e.: and I tell her that I do but that I'm at work and right now is just not the time to talk about it
(11:09 PM) robert e.: and in response she pulls the whole, "it's just about you! You probably (insert accussation here)"
(11:10 PM) robert e.: mainly things like "hate the fact I have a child" or "are going to screw me over" or whatever fears she has
(11:10 PM) robert e.: and it's not even the fears themselves that get me
(11:10 PM) robert e.: it's the way she degrades everything I've been doing to NOT add more stress to her day that gets to me
(11:10 PM) robert e.: so I blow up
(11:10 PM) robert e.: and tell her all of my fears
(11:10 PM) robert e.: but in a really harsh way
(11:12 PM) robert e.: and one of them is about the way anytime I bring up the fact that last time we started talking about finally giving this relationship thing a shot (we've been talking about it for a decade) not even a week later she hooked up with someone else and it really hurt me and when I tried to tell her how it messed me up, her response was "get over it" and THAT itself bothers me
(11:12 PM) robert e.: the whole "get over it!" thing
(11:12 PM) robert e.: and that's where everything falls apart
(11:12 PM) robert e.: she's so afraid that I won't ever get over it that I will sabatoge the relationship
(11:12 PM) robert e.: so instead, she's jumping the gun and sabatoging it herself
(11:14 PM) lisa n.: did you get over it??
(11:15 PM) robert e.: the fact that she did that, yes, the fact that when I told her it hurt me her response was "so? it was the past, get over it" no
(11:15 PM) robert e.: that kind of response worries me
(11:15 PM) robert e.: and that worry turns into paranoia
(11:16 PM) robert e.: and on top of that, in tandem with the "get over it" was her comments about "oh god, now you're just going to bring it up all the time aren'
(11:16 PM) robert e.: t you? I'm better off just not talking about it"
(11:16 PM) robert e.: and to me, it all seems like it's really more of an issue to her that it's annoying and no where does it seem like the fact I was hurt bothers her
(11:17 PM) robert e.: so I tried to confront it to ask, "did it bother you that that hurt me? that the way you refer to it makes you sound shady?" and she just said, "yeah, sure, whatever. are we past this now?"
(11:18 PM) robert e.: and it's like, "AUGH! That's exactly what is getting to me! Your attitude about it."
(11:18 PM) robert e.: so the talk didn't go well
(11:18 PM) lisa n.: no it did not
(11:19 PM) lisa n.: I do think you need a change
(11:19 PM) lisa n.: I am thinking of the mom stuff
(11:19 PM) lisa n.: has that improved
(11:20 PM) robert e.: not at all
(11:20 PM) robert e.: all morning she
(11:20 PM) robert e.: ...blah
(11:20 PM) robert e.: example
(11:20 PM) robert e.: it's easier to express through examples
(11:21 PM) robert e.: this morning, she was asking me if I'd look up how to grow a certain weed she wanted in her garden on my phone
(11:21 PM) robert e.: but stuttered at the word "phone" and kept saying "thingamajig"
(11:21 PM) robert e.: and when I said "phone"
(11:21 PM) robert e.: she started crying and saying, "I was just trying to be funny. I can't do anything right. I'm a worthless POS"
(11:21 PM) robert e.: and all day has been doing that
(11:22 PM) robert e.: everything she's been saying HAS to be responded to exactly how she wants it responded to or she immediately starts crying
(11:22 PM) robert e.: I just....
(11:22 PM) robert e.: and my roommate
(11:22 PM) robert e.: I tried talking to him
(11:23 PM) robert e.: and the first thing out of his mouth is "Bro, you know what your problem is? It's that you THINK TOO MUCH About everything." and other stuff that basically translated to me as "Your problem is that you're you. If you stop being you, you won't have a problem"
(11:23 PM) robert e.: so I just tried to sleep the day away instead
(11:23 PM) lisa n.: nooo
(11:24 PM) lisa n.: why don't you take your mom over to your brothers for a month or two
(11:24 PM) robert e.: his wife won't allow it
(11:25 PM) robert e.: she's with me now cuz he pulled her out of hte nursing home and my mom started attacking his wife
(11:25 PM) lisa n.: no not good
(11:25 PM) lisa n.: dang that would be a good thing for a while
(11:25 PM) lisa n.: what if you went to Idaho??
(11:25 PM) lisa n.: what would your mom do
(11:26 PM) robert e.: I'm looking for another home to put her in now
(11:26 PM) robert e.: or maybe, since my sister just broke up with her boyfriend, me and my brother can talk her into taking care of mom
(11:26 PM) robert e.: but I hate my sister with a passion
(11:27 PM) robert e.: because of how much more difficult my life with my mom has been due to her
(11:29 PM) robert e.: and all I've asked for is some form of acknowledgement that she gets how her "I'll be there in 5 mins" then not show up for 5 days and my mom spends the next 3 days crying about "everyone hates my and has thrown me away" has been unfair. Her excuse is that because I was an asshole to her regarding something that happened 10 years ago, she's justified in her actions
(11:29 PM) robert e.: ...because 10 years ago, I was a butthead about something...
(11:29 PM) robert e.: it's not fair
(11:30 PM) robert e.: but life isn't fair
(11:30 PM) robert e.: it's just.... so bloody difficult sometimes
(11:02 PM) lisa n.: almost huh
(11:02 PM) lisa n.: sorry but you got me for the night
(11:03 PM) robert e.: sounds good
(11:03 PM) robert e.: how you feelin'?
(11:03 PM) robert e.: this is one heck of a double you're pulling
(11:03 PM) lisa n.: I am great
(11:03 PM) lisa n.: How are you
(11:03 PM) robert e.: I'm not well at all
(11:03 PM) lisa n.: almost a triple
(11:04 PM) robert e.: almost indeed
(11:04 PM) lisa n.: what is wrong
(11:04 PM) robert e.: was broken up with mid shift last night
(11:04 PM) lisa n.: what
(11:04 PM) lisa n.: that is so rude
(11:04 PM) lisa n.: did you patch it up yet
(11:04 PM) robert e.: negatory
(11:05 PM) lisa n.: why did she call you at work
(11:05 PM) lisa n.: that is not nice
(11:06 PM) robert e.: she didn't call
(11:06 PM) robert e.: we were texting
(11:06 PM) robert e.: and it was a very pleasant day too
(11:06 PM) robert e.: then out of nowhere, she gets moody ....
(11:06 PM) robert e.: well, we're a long distance relationship
(11:06 PM) robert e.: she lives in another state
(11:07 PM) robert e.: I'm in the middle of making arrangements to move over to her next year
(11:07 PM) robert e.: a few months ago, she flew in and surprised me with a visit
(11:07 PM) robert e.: and from there, we've been trying this
(11:07 PM) robert e.: so she gets moody, or something, and starts accusing me of things that just aren't right
(11:07 PM) lisa n.: Is it Idaho?
(11:07 PM) robert e.: yeah
(11:08 PM) lisa n.: really
(11:08 PM) robert e.: she's got a lot of school and stuff
(11:08 PM) robert e.: so I don't go out of my way to tell her about my problems and fears and struggles
(11:08 PM) robert e.: cuz there's nothing she really can do about it and it will just make her day more stressful, not remove stress from me
(11:08 PM) lisa n.: wow
(11:09 PM) robert e.: but she gets all angry and accuses me of not having any fears
(11:09 PM) lisa n.: didn't think of it that way
(11:09 PM) robert e.: and I tell her that I do but that I'm at work and right now is just not the time to talk about it
(11:09 PM) robert e.: and in response she pulls the whole, "it's just about you! You probably (insert accussation here)"
(11:10 PM) robert e.: mainly things like "hate the fact I have a child" or "are going to screw me over" or whatever fears she has
(11:10 PM) robert e.: and it's not even the fears themselves that get me
(11:10 PM) robert e.: it's the way she degrades everything I've been doing to NOT add more stress to her day that gets to me
(11:10 PM) robert e.: so I blow up
(11:10 PM) robert e.: and tell her all of my fears
(11:10 PM) robert e.: but in a really harsh way
(11:12 PM) robert e.: and one of them is about the way anytime I bring up the fact that last time we started talking about finally giving this relationship thing a shot (we've been talking about it for a decade) not even a week later she hooked up with someone else and it really hurt me and when I tried to tell her how it messed me up, her response was "get over it" and THAT itself bothers me
(11:12 PM) robert e.: the whole "get over it!" thing
(11:12 PM) robert e.: and that's where everything falls apart
(11:12 PM) robert e.: she's so afraid that I won't ever get over it that I will sabatoge the relationship
(11:12 PM) robert e.: so instead, she's jumping the gun and sabatoging it herself
(11:14 PM) lisa n.: did you get over it??
(11:15 PM) robert e.: the fact that she did that, yes, the fact that when I told her it hurt me her response was "so? it was the past, get over it" no
(11:15 PM) robert e.: that kind of response worries me
(11:15 PM) robert e.: and that worry turns into paranoia
(11:16 PM) robert e.: and on top of that, in tandem with the "get over it" was her comments about "oh god, now you're just going to bring it up all the time aren'
(11:16 PM) robert e.: t you? I'm better off just not talking about it"
(11:16 PM) robert e.: and to me, it all seems like it's really more of an issue to her that it's annoying and no where does it seem like the fact I was hurt bothers her
(11:17 PM) robert e.: so I tried to confront it to ask, "did it bother you that that hurt me? that the way you refer to it makes you sound shady?" and she just said, "yeah, sure, whatever. are we past this now?"
(11:18 PM) robert e.: and it's like, "AUGH! That's exactly what is getting to me! Your attitude about it."
(11:18 PM) robert e.: so the talk didn't go well
(11:18 PM) lisa n.: no it did not
(11:19 PM) lisa n.: I do think you need a change
(11:19 PM) lisa n.: I am thinking of the mom stuff
(11:19 PM) lisa n.: has that improved
(11:20 PM) robert e.: not at all
(11:20 PM) robert e.: all morning she
(11:20 PM) robert e.: ...blah
(11:20 PM) robert e.: example
(11:20 PM) robert e.: it's easier to express through examples
(11:21 PM) robert e.: this morning, she was asking me if I'd look up how to grow a certain weed she wanted in her garden on my phone
(11:21 PM) robert e.: but stuttered at the word "phone" and kept saying "thingamajig"
(11:21 PM) robert e.: and when I said "phone"
(11:21 PM) robert e.: she started crying and saying, "I was just trying to be funny. I can't do anything right. I'm a worthless POS"
(11:21 PM) robert e.: and all day has been doing that
(11:22 PM) robert e.: everything she's been saying HAS to be responded to exactly how she wants it responded to or she immediately starts crying
(11:22 PM) robert e.: I just....
(11:22 PM) robert e.: and my roommate
(11:22 PM) robert e.: I tried talking to him
(11:23 PM) robert e.: and the first thing out of his mouth is "Bro, you know what your problem is? It's that you THINK TOO MUCH About everything." and other stuff that basically translated to me as "Your problem is that you're you. If you stop being you, you won't have a problem"
(11:23 PM) robert e.: so I just tried to sleep the day away instead
(11:23 PM) lisa n.: nooo
(11:24 PM) lisa n.: why don't you take your mom over to your brothers for a month or two
(11:24 PM) robert e.: his wife won't allow it
(11:25 PM) robert e.: she's with me now cuz he pulled her out of hte nursing home and my mom started attacking his wife
(11:25 PM) lisa n.: no not good
(11:25 PM) lisa n.: dang that would be a good thing for a while
(11:25 PM) lisa n.: what if you went to Idaho??
(11:25 PM) lisa n.: what would your mom do
(11:26 PM) robert e.: I'm looking for another home to put her in now
(11:26 PM) robert e.: or maybe, since my sister just broke up with her boyfriend, me and my brother can talk her into taking care of mom
(11:26 PM) robert e.: but I hate my sister with a passion
(11:27 PM) robert e.: because of how much more difficult my life with my mom has been due to her
(11:29 PM) robert e.: and all I've asked for is some form of acknowledgement that she gets how her "I'll be there in 5 mins" then not show up for 5 days and my mom spends the next 3 days crying about "everyone hates my and has thrown me away" has been unfair. Her excuse is that because I was an asshole to her regarding something that happened 10 years ago, she's justified in her actions
(11:29 PM) robert e.: ...because 10 years ago, I was a butthead about something...
(11:29 PM) robert e.: it's not fair
(11:30 PM) robert e.: but life isn't fair
(11:30 PM) robert e.: it's just.... so bloody difficult sometimes
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Friday, September 11, 2015
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Sunday, September 6, 2015
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
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