Thursday, October 29, 2015
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Fears, Egos and Pride
Fears, Egos, and Pride
- how one deals with heart ache -
You ever read something & it hits you like a speeding bus
or a realization
It takes you back to times
so innumerable that the clock just doesn't have enough hands
to count?
-That's your gift to me...
Giving away the trick up my sleeve
Like how I held your head under water all the while screaming
about how thirsty I was
I'm sorry for trying to kill you...
Really,
I forgot people can't breathe under water.
The tick of something (is it a bomb?) passes & I think
I think of you like a light Florida sprinkle on a hot sunny day
(where are the clouds?)
The way oil-stained concrete dances as one giant analogue T.V. screen
in slow motion,
Little pools of poisoned rainbows exploding under a stormy
mirror,
and a teasing breeze kisses my sweat just enough to remind me of just
how much I miss winter and the way she would wrap me up to dwell.
-You were also like winter.
Sorry, the radio keeps singing these deadly words to me & I...
I got another story for you.
But I don't think you'll really like it.
It's not any good anyways. I'm telling only you because no matter how
bad my stories are, you love them all the same.
Right now, I need that -
just like I need to find a better way to get the
blood off my shoes.
(Don't take it away from me, I need you to hold on to.)
Here goes:
I was on T.V.
In one of those shows that's supposed to happen to other people -
Not us.
But we laugh anyways.
The scene is a dirty kitchen made to look like it's from a ghetto.
Can you see the cheap-job Makeup did to make me look like -
- like an addict?
(I was born for this role)
See the broken spirit? That's all talent baby.
But I can't seem to get the scene right.
I'm supposed to cry as I drink the whiskey -
(it's in the script)
-but the tears won't come.
The Director screams, "CUT!" & is pissed that I'm fucking up the scene.
So someone sprays my face with onion juice & the tears won't stop.
(Now it's my turn to suffocate. . . .)
Take 28
ACTION!
-I was great....-
(It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine)
After the commercial break, the scene is changed.
You don't know if this is the past or future but that's what keeps you
watching.
This time I'm lying on a beach & the sun is setting.
This fire is no longer confined to the sky.
Makeup dressed me in the loss of ignorance.
Again, Makeup dresses me.
The war paint on my face is from the dragon I killed in last week's episode.
I guess you missed it.
Too bad you don't have TiVo.
I slayed the dragon to save the princess.
I killed for her.
Shot it between the eyes...
...for her.
But when I got to her room in that tower I found -
I found -
I found a theif in her bed.
-CUT! Take five.
estrange \is-tran\ to remove customary environment or associations
estranged \is-tranj\ to arouse esp. mutual enmity or indifference in where there
had formerly been love, affection, or friendliness
"I thought the Princess was my prize."
Hey, I didn't write the script. Just recite the lines, that's what I do.
The waves crash into my face. CGI makes it as violent as a groom
alone at the altar on his wedding day.
or as the the words I once said
"Do you love her?" asks the Buddha on my shoulder.
Hold that look.
Ponder the depths.
"With all my being, my heart beats only for her."
The ratings just went up. The tabloids can't get enough.
None of what they say is true.
"Then love is your prize."
And it's here that romantics swoon & skeptics change the channel.
"But some strange Prince of a Thief is fucking her as we speak. What love is that?!
What meaning am I when her lips taste of his cum?"
Yes, this episode just got dirty, and none can turn away.
I spit
The waves crash harder. Thunder rolls in the distance for effect.
This is where the music changes.
This is where I don't think I'm acting anymore
This is where the audience falls in love with me,
but I don't know how to deal with that.
Buddha: "The Prince has her in his bed. You have her in your heart. As such, your
reward is true love: the only kind. Cherish it as a mother cherishes her child,
cherish it as the gods cherish you. It's hurts only to let you know it's real."
The next few lines are about how I damn the gods.
Words like "unjust"and "other" and apologies for being me.
Even more apologies for not being me.
No one remembers those lines. They were too forced. Too faked. Too...
...close to real.
Then I kill the Buddha & I eat his brain. It doesn't bring me any closer to God.
It just upsets my stomach.
I need a drink.
My stomach hurts a lot these days.
This is love.
This is the Director's, "Great Vision:" Love makes you puke.
Next week's episode, I fight the gods. The outcome is the season finale.
I love my role.
But not as much as I love...
Another commercial break. Another stitch in a hole that doesn't close.
Twilight falls & I load my six shooter.
The end music begins as I walk into the credits.
It's not much of a story but you love it all the same.
I really do suck at this.
And I'm pouring myself a drink.
Because the moon demands blood,
she doesn't care who's.
and war is coming.
This song that plays, it says:
If I don't make it through the night
I want him to caress you, to hold you tight
& kiss away any tears - but don't shed them for me.
Know that as I was drowning, the light was calling me home
that light was you.
He better treat you with the fragile delicacies
of color & cotton candy &
his sweet nothings will see you to those kaleidoscopic fields
where when you dance
nothing else is real.
-FIN
The way of Bob
One's creed in life should always be: whatever the choices presented to you, always choose the path that makes you the lesser asshole in your actions to others, unless the choice presented is to be the action of karma, in which case, be the best the best asshole you can be.
I need to find a way to sum this up better. As it is, it's too long. Ideally, one should always strive to just not be an asshole to others without good (non-selfish) reason. That simple act, shared by everyone, would make the entire world a better place if EVERYONE did it. But alas, for every non-asshole out there, there's a dick ready to find a way to fuck them over one way or another.
This is always turning up as reasons and excuses for so many I discuss this with, and usually always biased in some manner to justify their own overlooking of their own actions which they innately seem to be aware of as possessing assholish tendencies. And it's from these very unseen and unspoken parts of these people that I have made my grander observation that most people are, whether the want to accept it or not, innately good at heart. There definitely are some people who's very nature is to be the counterpart to these decent folk, though, and it's usually from these assholish actions that the seeds of indecision begin to grow in the bruised and broken of the kind hearted. It's as if by seeing the bad in the world, it rise cause for a defensive need to allow one's self to ignore one's own conscience in hopes that they will no longer see themselves as the victims they fear themselves to be in light of the view of oppressing assholish actions.
Ideally, I'd like to believe that as long as we avoid seeing ourselves from a victim/aggresor dichotomy, then we can retain the self assurances that usually support our own confidences in our own abilities to shape the world around us to affect the courses of actions we see ourselves involved in on a daily basis.
(As per whether or not this is an actual truth to the structure of our modern day humanity, I'm still not completely sure of as I myself still struggle with my own crippling issues of insecurity and identity issues. Fortunately, I can brush most of it off as a quality of being the poetic philosopher I am.)
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Monday, October 19, 2015
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Monday, October 12, 2015
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Friday, October 9, 2015
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
The First Day of Rain in Hawaii
-The First Day of Rain in Hawaii-
We had been on Maui for almost a week now, settling in to the alien beauty that we were constantly surrounded by. Coming from the city life to such a magically splendourous place was a shock in itself, as the whole of the island seemed to breath in a way that no city scape ever did. Where my eyes were used to the static fixtures of ups and downs and windowed walk ways where cars zipped past to an angry drum, now everywhere I looked was the constant wind breezed sway of foliage and life, breathing its subtle whisper of "welcome."
As had been our routine since day 2, we were out exploring the island, taking in the sites of what we would soon call Home. Only this day, instead of the path towards town that we were quickly getting familiar with, we decided to see what the other path would lead us to.
In what felt like an hour sped by the blink of a sigh, we came through the denser foliage and were greeted with the sight of water. The road was on the side of a cliff and the rocky crags below were drummed violently by crashing waves of the sea. I'd never seen anything like this before and was in awe for a minute, until my instincts kicked in.
Then, true to my nature, to celebrate this new discovery, I ran to the edge of the cliff and proceeded to unzip myself. I heard her say something behind me but was too enamoured by what I was about to do to catch what was said and stairing off at the horizon, I relieved myself unto the ocean from a fifty foot drop in Maui. There was something definitely surreal about the whole experience of knowing that I was peeing where I was but the moment was quickly shattered.
She began to scream from behind me and I tucked and turned, running to her side, "What happened?!" I asked frantic, looking her up and down for any bite wound or the such.
"You peed on me!" she spat back.
"Wait! What?"
It had never occurred to me that the sea breeze hitting the cliff had taken my pee from it's course and thrown it up and over me to rain down on the love of my life. What I didn't know then is that this very lesson would continue to spell the doom of what was supposed to be a fresh new life in the Island of Paradise, Maui.
"I'm so sorry," I told her for the first of many, many times to come.